Becoming a mother is a huge transition and like most people say, it certainly doesn’t come with a manual.
Life can get overwhelming quite quickly for new mothers. I remember holding my beautiful newborn in my arms, feeling so much joy in my heart, but at the same time there was just so much to adjust to in such a short amount of time.
As I write this, I have my gorgeous 9 week old baby sleeping by my side on the couch. I love her and I can’t imagine what life was like before she came along, however only yesterday I had to ask my partner to take care of her for 10 mins while I ran into the bedroom for a quick anxiety attack after attending my first mothers group.
Nothing in particular could be blamed for the anxiety attack, I find that this has happened a fair bit after becoming a mother. It’s almost like I suddenly run on empty and can’t function.
Of course, the warnings were there, but I chose to power on and to not listen to what my mind, body and soul needed. Have you done this as well? I think many women do.
It’s incredibly important to enjoy this time, for it flies by so fast. You little one is learning and growing so rapidly and so are you. This is soul growing time and it’s important for new mothers to take care of themselves as well as their baby.
So, for myself as a reminder and for all you new mothers out there, I have created a list of coping strategies to help ease the transition while you are at home with your beloved little one.
1. Ask For Assistance
Asking for assistance can still be challenging for me personally, but I soon realise that I need to move through that disabling mindset very quickly. It was hard to ask for help in the beginning, without feeling guilty or as if I was burdening someone else, but I really needed the extra support some days!
Birth Team
My mother passed away when I was 23 yrs old and my partner’s mother lives overseas, so we don’t have our mother’s physical support which some new parents may have. However, before I fell pregnant, I created a birth team to help me create the birth that I wanted to aim for.
This birth team has also worked really well as a support after the birth of my daughter, where one of my dear sisters created a meal train (explained further down) to help feed me and my partner through the first 4 weeks after the birth. What a blessing and godsend that was!
My other beautiful sister from my birth team came to sit with me through a raw start to motherhood after recovering from blood loss through the birth. She cheered me on and gifted me with suitable herbs and supplements to help me recover after the birth itself and to recover mentally so I could keep going through sleep deprived days and nights.
I cannot stress having a birth team enough and how helpful it has been!
Asking for assistance is important. If you are feeling run down, emotional and exhausted, it’s hard to keep giving of yourself. It’s important that you prioritise your mental and physical health, as well as your baby’s needs.
Reach out and open up
Please open up to friends, with or without babies. The main thing is that you don’t feel alone and that you feel connected to the community. Talk to your Doctor and get on a plan/referral to get some assistance. Talk to a naturopath, herbalist or Chinese Medicine practitioner and ask to speak with someone who is well versed in women’s health and get some nutritional and medicinal guidance.
2. You Need To Sleep
This is important. You can’t make rational decisions and make healthy choices when you are half awake. Becoming a mother, you are on call 24/7. You may feel this especially when you are trying to rest while the baby is sleeping - I certainly did. It was like I couldn’t switch off.
Studies have been made and proven that otherwise healthy, capable adults go a bit ‘ga-ga’ if deprived of sleep. You can’t expect yourself to be fully present if you don’t get enough time to rest - without the needs of your baby in the back of your head constantly.
I am talking about sleep without your baby in the room. This was advised by my midwife, but it was easier said than done until my partner and I finally decided to try something different that would be better suited for the current situation.
Our sleep routine
My partner and I were doing what most other new parents do - struggle through the nights together. It sounds fair right? You both chose this, so you should both share it.
However, there are different ways to share and make it work. Two exhausted parents in overdrive isn’t going to help anyone, however taking turns at night shifts with the baby will at least give you both a break, some peace and some space to rejuvenate, even if it’s just for a few hours.
You really need these few, unbroken hours for the brain to recharge, dream and process. If your brain doesn’t get some peace to process and dream, you won’t manage very well during the day. It’s just not sustainable and it can even be dangerous.
You might find it hard to leave your little one when it’s your partner's turn to take over, especially when she’s crying. This is a lesson in trust. Your partner has got this and your turn will be up soon. Do whatever you can to tune out the noise and sleep.
Our routine works really well, however my partner and I don’t share the bed at the moment. I sleep in the bedroom with the co-sleeper for the baby and my darling man gets the couch and Netflix. It has to be done or we will both go mental.
Here’s how we work it:
7.30pm: I start getting ready for bed at 8pm. Feed babe one last time if needed, make a cup of sleepy time tea with valerian and chamomile.
8pm: My bedtime! Don’t delay!
11pm (or later, whenever the baby wakes if successfully put to bed): My partner brings the baby to me in bed and I feed her and take over the shift.
The reason why we decided that I have at least 2.5-3hrs of sleep (8pm - 11pm), is because that’s what my mentor suggested as the absolute minimum for achieving a deep sleep and dream state, which the brain needs to be able to work the next day. My partner works Monday to Friday - so he needs a good chunk of sleep through the night and hopefully I can rest through the day at home with the baby.
Even though I am still tired through the day, I can still function and enjoy the beautiful moments of my baby’s development.
Now sometimes our baby doesn’t fall asleep till 10.30pm. Don’t wake the baby for handover. Wait till the baby wakes herself and then change the shift. Sometimes my partner has brought our baby to the room way after 12am, so that’s just a welcome bonus!
This is not to say that some nights are not more challenging than others, especially through those super amazing growth spurts that your baby is experiencing. Please ask each other for help when you need it.
As partners, you need to be there for each other, remember that.
Oh, and anything that’s said at night time, doesn’t count. You’ll learn this. Forgive and forget.
If you don’t have anyone to share the nights with, please ask for support where you can, darling parent. You need to be okay, your baby needs for you to be okay.
3. Eat Well - Meal Train
When I invited my birth team to join me on my journey to motherhood, one of my dearest sisters on my birth team set up a ‘Meal Train’ commencing after the birth for 4 weeks.
A Meal Train is an online platform where your loved ones can book a day where they volunteer to drop off a nourishing home cooked meal at your doorstep.
Because of COVID19, we weren’t able to have a baby shower/baby blessing, so this was a great way for our loved ones to really help out where needed.
This was an absolute godsend for me and my partner after the birth. Even though I had a great birth, I did lose a lot of blood. My body needed rest and I was breastfeeding every 2-3 hrs along with pumping/expressing after every single feed to get my supply up, so I was exhausted. My partner was knackered as well as we worked our way through the challenging nights, caring and calming our newborn.
The great thing about the Meal Train is that you can also pop in your dietary requirements if you have any. You might be gluten free, lactose intolerant or the like, so make sure you put in some guidelines so people know what you need or like.
My partner and I decided to put a sign outside our door as well, to thank and send love to our loved ones and their contribution. Having too many visitors right after the birth felt overwhelming, so making a grateful ‘thank you’ sign was an acknowledgement of all the people in our community who helped.
I found meaty stews to be my favourite and very nourishing to get my body back on track.
Ask a trusted friend to organise a Meal Train for you if you can’t do it yourself. Your loved ones can start slotting themselves in. It’s such a wonderful help.
4. Time for You - Quality vs Quantity
Both you and your partner need time-out. Becoming a parent for the first time is a huge life changing experience and all your time is spent taking care of your gorgeous new baby.
Listening to your needs
I have cracked many times when I haven’t spoken up about needing time to myself. Being at home full-time with my baby is wonderful, but it’s also a job where you are required to be on call every single moment. This can be very taxing mentally as it’s hard to switch off and not feel rushed in everything you do when the baby is sleeping, for who knows when the baby is going to wake up!
In the early weeks I really noticed myself rushing through everything I wanted to do while my baby was sleeping. Instead of enjoying a bit of yoga in the lounge room, I raced through it, missing the point of why I was doing it in the first place! When my girlfriends would come over, I noticed how quickly I spoke, as if I had limited time to share what I needed to say.
Finding balance
I am definitely feeling a lot more calm and in flow now, but I need to have my breaks where my partner has daddy-daughter time. This way I can detach and enjoy my time, without feeling like I am ‘on duty’ in the back of my mind.
When you make time for you, even if it’s just a few hours every week to start, you will come back stronger, more rested and more in joy to love and take care of your baby. Let the dishes stay in the sink, let the washing be for a day. There needs to be time for you.
We need self care - it’s vital.
5. Supplementation
I am a big fan of supplements, but it’s hard to know what exactly we need after giving birth. Growing a baby takes a lot of work on the body and it can really help to take the right supplements for not just your body but also your mental health after the birth.
My friend helped guide me back on the right track after the birth. She gifted me an iridology session with a bunch of amazing supplements. What a dear, dear sister.
It’s incredible what a few supplements can do to take the edge off the sleep deprivation, mood swings and general exhaustion! By the time she came over, I was in tears, breastfeeding, feeling beyond exhausted and depleted with my beautiful baby in my arms. I felt like I was failing as a mother.
Not only did my friend help reassure me that I was doing a great job already, she helped me understand what my body needed to recover more quickly and build up milk supply.
Here are some of the supplements that helped me tremendously (I am not a healthcare practitioner so please see your General Practitioner or preferred medicine doctor/midwife etc before commencing a new dietary/supplement routine):
Organic Greens Powder, 1 tsp x 2 a day (to build the bloods)
Bioceuticals In Natal + Iron x 2
Life Extension B Complex (For the brain and for Iron absorption) x 1
Vitamin C capsules 1000mg x 6 a day (General healing and Iron absorption)
Ferrograd C (Iron) x 2
Life Extension Magnesium x 1
Probiotic Capsules x 2
6. It’s okay to say ‘no’
This is a big one. Are you able to say no to something you are not fully into?
You have a beautiful, fresh little baby, straight out of the oven and all your friends and family want to meet the new little family member. This is wonderful, but after my own birth, I was exhausted for weeks. Something in me just found it really overwhelming to be inviting people into our home, apart from a few close friends and family.
Feeling that you need to ‘host’ people after the birth is not something you need to be concerned with right now, if you don’t have the energy. It’s all about you getting rest and being able to say “Thank you very much, but not right now”. Most people will totally understand, just be as honest as you can be.
If you are doing something out of obligation, try to question it and ask why. Usually there is a deeper root attached elsewhere, maybe in your upbringing or a pattern you can recognise that’s been present most of your life.
7. Get Out of The House or Stay In
I am 10 weeks in now and I am slowly coming out of my cave even more, visiting loved ones, but easy does it. Usually after a visit or going somewhere with baba, I am exhausted for the rest of the day, so I have to take that into consideration when planning my week.
I have noticed that the more I go out with kiddo, I am becoming more confident around taking her places, working on a routine and having a bit more of a social life again.
Staying In
Some days I just really enjoy being at home, getting cosy with baba, watching a movie or baking. Everything has its place and the more I listen to my needs, the better I am as a mother.
Of course, time is choppy at the moment and everything works around the baby, however there may be a few moments through the day where you can find some space to re-energise by doing something you love.
Here’s a few nice ideas for when you want to just chill at home:
Baking & Cooking
Painting & Creating Art
Listening to music
Writing
Watching favourite movies and tv series
Yoga
Walks & Drives
Going for walks is especially good, even if it’s just around your neighbourhood. It’s amazing what a fresh perspective can do and if you don’t do anything else for the rest of the day, at least you went outside for some fresh air.
It’s nice to go for a drive as well, especially if you live somewhere close to nature. Pop bubba in the car with a toy, find a nice ‘drive through’ coffee shop and a lovely scenic route to enjoy with your favourite music. It has helped me more than expected and has given me a sense of ‘me-time’ where I can reflect.
I hope you found this post useful! Hang in there, it’s an incredible time but I understand how full on it can get. If you have any comments and suggestions, please feel free to comment below.
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